I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
