Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
