And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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