I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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