So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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