I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
