Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
