You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
