Christians are straight up FREAKS
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
