Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
