One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
