I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
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It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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