last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
