Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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