windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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