Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
