it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
