i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
