I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
