Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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