if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
