Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
