Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
