I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
