how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
