hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
