we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
