Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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