Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
