I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
