so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
