i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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