I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
