The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
