i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
