Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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