I accidentally had phone sex last night
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
