i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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