So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
