just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
