there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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