Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
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You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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