It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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