I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
