woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize