and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was confusing and full of hummus
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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