If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
