I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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