Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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