You don't have asthma, your pregnant
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My balls are so social today.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
