I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
