it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
