This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
