we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
