also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
