Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
