He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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