Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
