His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
